To The New Mom Struggling With Anxiety or Depression
To the mama who is having a hard time, listen close. You ready?
You might feel alone when you are in these exhausting new days of motherhood, which challenge your capacity for everything. You might feel very alone if you are experiencing a flat, depressed mood for weeks, anxious thoughts that keep you from getting that tiny touch of sleep available, and/or that naggy voice telling you that you are doing a bad job, that your baby doesn't like you, that you aren't cut out for this after all.
And you might feel real real alone if you are keeping those experiences to yourself. Because isolation is the breeding ground for unchecked critical self-talk and shame. And of course loneliness.
But YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are connected to every single mama who came before you and walks beside you in this world. Your maternal experience – the wonderful and the challenging – is shared across humanity. And your suffering -that ache that feels attached to you and only you - is shared as well. Perinatal mental health issues are thought to touch 15-20% of pregnant/postpartum women, and that of course only includes those willing to share their experiences.
And there are people who want to connect with you, to support you through this time.
But if I was just stronger, smarter, . . . If I was just more capable, adaptable. . .If I had a better attitude, diet. . .If I hadn't made this or that decision . . . If I was a different person I wouldn't be having these problems in the first place.
Hold on mama, cause YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Your hormones and brain chemistry are on the wildest ride of their lives. Sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture and you've been enduring it for a while now. You may have been raised with the belief that asking for help is weak, or encountered life circumstances that led you to rely solely on yourself. Perhaps you have a partner who doesn't yet know how to be of support. Oh, and you have just carried and delivered or alternatively planned with great might for another to add a human baby into this world, forever changing life as you knew it.
You're having a hard time not because of who you are, but because of an enormous, intense and complicated constellation of factors. It is so completely not your fault.
But what if I feel this way forever?
You won't. Anxiety is so uncomfortable that a minute seems long. Depression has a heavy quality that gives the perception that time is moving slowly. Worrying about the livelihood of your child for a second feels like a second too long. But it's gonna pass, mama, it will. You gotta tend to you, because *WITH HELP YOU WILL BE WELL. The first step is let someone know what's happening for you. Then the options are vast – support groups, therapy, medication, education, accessing your current and building new resources . . .
You've been doing some heavy lifting. It's time to rest up and let others help hold you. You matter so much sweet mama, even on your darkest days.
With love and compassion,
Team SOURCE
PS If you or someone you love is struggling with postpartum anxiety or depression, we have a team of perinatal mental health therapists who are ready to help. You can get started right here to schedule a zero-cost, zero-pressure consultation call.
PPS Using the terms mom, mama, mother as short hand due to the vast majority of our clients identifying as such while mixing in more neutral language as well. This information applies to all genders and parental identifications.
*"You are not alone. You are not to blame With help you will be well." is the key message shared around the globe by Postpartum Support International ~ www.postpartum.net. 1.800.944.4773