Why We Should Ditch the Term “High Functioning Women”
High Functioning woman, high Functioning anxiety, high functioning depression, high functioning PTSD, high functioning ADHD, etc. I’m asking us to find different terms.
Hey, I used to use this language too. I'm not here to shame anyone. But I'm here to ask some questions.
Does this term help to identify, validate, and HELP the people it describes? Cause aside from seeing the hurt of this with so many clients across years, as someone who has for the bill on many occasions I can assure you all it does is make me feel UNSEEN and untrusting of the description and anyone using it. It’s hard to relate to when the internal experience is anything but.
Why? Is it really "functional" for internal mayhem - harsh self talk, wildly harsh cognitions, painful feelings, uncomfortable sensations, terrifying memories - to be at a rapid boil beneath the service?
If you think yes, but she can carry a convo, do her job, force herself to go to the event, complete a grocery shop at the same time so she is functioning (this is code for “it’s not that bad.”),
That's our idea of functioning? Hiding what is true to meet standards someone set and that we've all decided to uphold? In systems that oppress and oppress some more than others to boot? That allow some to emote and others to look strong at all costs (check out this essay on the “The Strong Black Woman”)?? And where do you think that turmoil goes? Does the invisible experience dissipate into thin air, leaving all to be magically well?
No. It goes deeper inside, Maybe it shows up physically - mysterious pain, chronic health issues. Maybe it comes out as behaviors that are not aligned with who we want to be,
The whole thing is a dangerous conceptualization and we see it all the time at SOURCE where people - sometimes cause they've reached a point where they can no longer pretend. Here they get to be seen for their full experience and we get to start understanding together the factors that lead to stoically carrying the burden. We get to figure out what to set down, which layers can be removed in order to move more openly and freely throughout life. Everyone deserves this.
So, to those whose inside experience does not match up with the outside, we see you. ❤️
If you are looking for support around the burnout, anxiety, rage, and general unworkability of carrying all that you hold, we have a team of women’s + perinatal therapists to support you.
With love and compassion,
Team SOURCE